I didn’t last long last time did I

Here I am thinking about the old year as the new year quickly approaches.  One of the things I am thinking about is keeping a diary, or updating this blog.  Have been thinking about it, but couldn’t access it, as I’d forgotten the password.  Do any of you have so many things you need a password for, that you can’t remember them, or which one goes with what?  I started a little list so I could remember them, but then thought about security.  If anyone found the list, then anyone would be able to access all my stuff.  Most things wouldn’t really matter, but some things I’d like to keep secure.  I decided to use hints rather than the real passwords.  Now if I can just remember what the hints stand for……

 

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I’m back, I think

Hello everyone.

I don’t know if anyone “follows” this blog, but I’ve been away for a while…. a LONG while.  I looked at the date of my last post… 2008.  OMG.  Can’t believe it.  WOW.  Lots has happened since then.  Will have to see how it goes.  Facebook seems to be the “new” blog stuff.  I somehow think I liked this better.  I had more “control” over it.   It seems like lots of people have enjoyed a lot of the animal pictures and postings I’ve done here so I’ll have to update some of that.  Ok, well I just wanted to check in,  it’s late… will have to think about this.    Night.

 

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A Week at the Gym

A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM

Since the time of resolutions is upon us, this is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

 


Dear Diary,
For Christmas this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a  try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess — with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

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Merry Christmas

My online friends are very special to me.  I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.  I hope 2009 will be all you need and most of what you desire. 

I have been blessed through my friendships.  Thank you.

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Happily Addicted to the Web

A good online friend shared this new Christmas song.  Thanks Mary.

Happy Holidays to all.  May all your online friends be as special as mine are. 

 
HAPPILY ADDICTED TO THE WEB
(tune–Winter Wonderland)
 
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
Through open doors, snow is glistnin’
I’m happy–although
My boss let me go–
Happily addicted to the Web
 
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware, time is ticking,
There’s stubble on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
 
Friends come by
They shake me,
Saying, “Yo man!
Don’t you know,
Downstairs, it’s your mom”?
With a listless shrug,
I mutter, “No man;
I just discovered msn dot com!”
 
I don’t phone, don’t send faxes,
Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I’m happily addicted to the Web
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